Maximizing Service Through Authentic Vulnerability
EP. 13
In this episode of the Mae B Mindful Podcast, Hannah Mae explores the complexities of unsolicited advice, the power of vulnerability, and the importance of sharing personal experiences with authenticity. She discusses how fear can manifest from past traumas and how understanding our own journey can help us connect more deeply with others. Tune in to learn how embracing honesty in our struggles can lead to genuine connections and personal growth.
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Episode Transcript:
Hello, this is the Mae B Mindful Podcast, and I am your host, Hannah Mae. I'm a mother of six, a conscious birth instructor and educator, a spiritual growth facilitator, and a certified hypnotist. This podcast is about inspiring hope, expanding awareness and consciousness, and revolutionizing the way we live and experience our lives. You can expect thought-provoking episodes each week, spanning a range of topics drawn from both my journey of transformation and healing and my work with others. I hope you find this podcast to be informative, refreshing, illuminating, and instrumental in your own soul's evolution and growth. Let's jump right in.
Hi there, folks. Welcome back to the Mae B Mindful Podcast. I was actually in the shower, and these thoughts started coming through about this topic, and I just had to sit down and record. So, I’m not totally put together here—if you want to see what I look like after a shower, go subscribe to my YouTube channel. It’s not that exciting; I’m fully clothed, just without makeup and with unbrushed hair. Actually, let me correct myself—I did put on some mascara.
This funny memory just came back to me from when I attended a SoulCycle class. I went through a brief SoulCycle phase until I realized it was too energetically abrasive for me; I’d rather sit on a mountaintop and meditate. But in that class, I encountered a woman who was slightly older and very put together. I remember walking in without any makeup on—why would you wear makeup to a SoulCycle class?—and she gave me a once-over and said, "Oh honey, you look 12." Then she turned back to her conversation. I was conflicted—was that a compliment? Maybe she was jealous and wanted to look 12 but didn’t? It didn’t feel like a compliment, though, the way she said it. That moment stuck in my mind ever since.
Anyway, without mascara, my eyelashes kind of disappear. Just as a side note, before we dive into today’s topic—this isn’t a beauty conversation, though it seems to be heading that way—I have tattooed eyeliner and eyebrows so I can feel put together without makeup. It helps, especially considering the hyperpigmentation I deal with from hormone shifts, pregnancies, and sun exposure. But that’s all pretty boring stuff.
What I really wanted to discuss today is the idea of unsolicited advice and the intention behind wanting to be helpful. Many of us have something to share based on our own experiences, and we get excited to share, especially if we’ve grown and come out on the other side of something. I know I do—I want to connect with others and offer advice or support. That’s a beautiful thing. However, if you’ve ever experienced it, unsolicited advice isn’t always well received. The truth is, if people aren’t asking for advice, they generally don’t want it. If they do want advice, they’ll usually ask for it.
Even when people seem to want advice, you’ve probably noticed that they often don’t follow it. Especially if you’re someone people go to with their problems, you hold space for them, give feedback, and then they turn around and continue doing the same thing that got them into trouble in the first place. That can be frustrating because you feel like your advice was in vain. I’ve found that advice is often ineffective unless someone specifically asks, "What should I do if I want this result?" In that case, it’s likely safe to assume they genuinely want advice. Otherwise, you’re probably wasting your breath and energy.
There’s another way to help, which I’ve found to be more effective. It’s part of why I share the way I do. I grew up in 12-step rooms, where you generally keep the focus on yourself and share your own experience. It’s not about projecting solutions or problems onto others, even though we might all have the same issues. It’s not my job to assume or tell someone how to live; I can only share my own experience. And here’s the thing—my experience is the only thing I have. A new experience is the most valuable thing because nobody actually wants advice or to be told what to do.
The most impactful thing I can offer is my experience, which is why I often use "I" statements. In any conversation, it’s the least inflammatory way to communicate. You’re not pointing fingers, lecturing, or standing on a soapbox. That’s part of why I created this podcast—to have a space where I can share freely. If I walked around talking like this all day, people might get tired of me. But here, you have the option to tune in or not. I share my experience because it’s my greatest gift. My deepest suffering and pain, which I’ve come through, are what I have to offer.
My experience is a living, breathing testimony, alive with energy that people can see and feel. This is true for anyone’s experience, as long as it’s honest and authentic. I share honestly, but not in overly vivid detail because that might not be wise. I also share honestly when I feel directed or inspired to, on a one-on-one basis with people, because that’s what will connect with them the most. If they can make those connections within themselves, they can start to have their own experiences.
I don’t try to help someone with something I have zero experience with; that would be egocentric or arrogant. I can’t speak from authority or truth unless I’ve lived it. Truth carries power, and authenticity is what connects and resonates with others. It reaches those unconnected, disconnected parts within someone. If my message rings alarm bells, it’s likely because I’m speaking to the heart of an issue for them.
My message isn’t for everyone. Some people might listen to me and think I’m crazy or extreme, but those who understand the more extreme way of thinking will feel safe with me. Those people stand out to me, and I recognize that they have something I want to learn or a door I want to unlock for myself. If I see someone showing up vulnerably and honestly, that gives me permission to do the same.
I’ve had a long road and learned through trial and error who I can safely speak to about what’s coming up for me. Many people who I thought were friends were more surface-level connections. A lot of people have judgment, and the last thing we want is to be judged when we show up honestly. That fear of judgment can send us back into isolation, which isn’t healthy for anyone. The truth is, there will always be people who don’t understand, who are triggered by truth, and who judge based on their own blind spots and prejudice.
For example, when I was a teenager and a young adult, I was dying inside. There were times I reached out, thinking I could honestly share with certain people who were older and whom I respected. But I was met with dismissive judgment because they viewed me as privileged and thought I should be successful in all areas of life. They didn’t understand that external circumstances have nothing to do with our spiritual condition and don’t equate to happiness. I realized they were not my people, and I needed to find those who could hold space for me.
When I speak on these episodes, I avoid saying "you" or "you should" because I don’t know what’s best for you. No one actually knows what’s best for anyone else. We can have a lot of judgment about what we think someone should do, but quite often, they’re on the path they need to be on for their own spiritual growth. The more we love someone, the more attached we can become to an ideal of how they should live their life, but we don’t know what’s necessary for their growth. Change happens when someone is genuinely seeking it, and no amount of lecturing or advice can bring that about until they’re ready.
I’m sure you’ve experienced telling someone something many times, only for them to come back one day and say, "Guess what? My therapist said..." and repeat the very thing you’ve been saying for years. It’s frustrating, but the truth is, they weren’t ready to hear it before. Maybe what you said planted a seed, but it took time for that seed to germinate and grow.
We don’t get to choose the timeline for these things, except in the way we choose to soften, be open, and seek more awareness. When we seek honestly, we get immediate feedback from the universe or God. There is an energetic response, a reciprocation. Sometimes, the new awarenesses we become open to can be painful because we have to see that we’ve been operating from a place of disillusionment. It’s a powerful and beautiful thing to do, but we don’t become open to it until we’re ready.
As long as we can show up honestly and vulnerably and seek the truth, it will unfold in doses we’re ready to receive, accept, and integrate. The best way to help someone is to live that degree of wellness ourselves. Address the things within yourself that you want to see in others, because your actions will be more instrumental than your words. Talk is cheap, and there are many people giving advice that feels disingenuous and doesn’t resonate. But when someone speaks with true heart and authenticity, it has a profound impact.
Being honest and vulnerable in our own lives is the most effective way to support ourselves and others. When I’ve shown up honestly, even when it meant taking a blow to my ego and not appearing as healthy or well as I’d like, I’ve received more feedback and connection from people. It’s important to be seen and connect with others, especially with those you can trust. That strengthens our connection to others and ourselves.
People appreciate honesty. When I’ve shown up vulnerably in my truth, people always say thank you.When I’ve shared vulnerably, people express gratitude because they connect with that honesty. Being a contact person on their path, someone who shows up authentically, has a profound impact. It's incredibly uplifting to know that by being truthful and open, I'm helping others and transforming pain into gratitude and joy. This process is always accessible—surrendering to truth allows us to experience joy, even if it first requires facing discomfort. I love you all, and I look forward to your feedback. Thank you for tuning in to the Mae B Mindful Podcast. If you enjoyed today's episode, don't forget to subscribe and leave us a review. Your feedback helps us grow and improve. For more information, resources, and exclusive content, visit our website at maebmindful.com.